The Fixer-Upper Man by Cooper Lawrence

Author:Cooper Lawrence
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Polka Dot Press An imprint of Adams Media, an F+W Publications Company
Published: 2008-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 9

The Gutters Need Cleaning

So you’ve found a guy who doesn’t need interior renovations, and he’s fully thatched up top. Maybe your Fixer-Upper is a guy who just needs a good shave, perhaps some moisturizer, or at the extreme, acne meds. If his face isn’t clear, allow me to be: Basically you have a guy whose face and/or body has some issues that can be dealt with easily using the right razor, a dermatologist, or a Russian woman named Olga who could give him a good waxing . anywhere. While these changes are the easiest to implement, they’re not without some amount of discomfort. Be patient with your guy. He’s doing it because he loves you.

Manscaping 101

You can have a pretty home inside, decked out in the current Pottery Barn collection, a solid foundation and roof, and an all-around attractive exterior. But if the hedges need trimming, the grass needs mowing, and the sidewalks are sprouting more weeds than the garden has Gerbera daisies, then the entire picture is thrown out of whack. It looks like you don’t care about the details. A prospective buyer can be dismissive of a property that’s not polished. The same goes for your unkempt guy. Who knows what kind of stud you’ll unearth with a little pruning, shaping, and TLC?

Facial Hair

Male facial hair, like a goatee, Fu Manchu, or that weird little soul patch that resides just below the lip with no other hair around to keep it company, can be a fashion statement. Or, it can be functional if he lives in a colder climate and likes a full beard to keep his face warm. However, if your Fixer-Upper grew a beard out of laziness, that’s another issue you may want to address. If he simply got tired of waking up and having to shave every day, he would be in a small minority. A recent Gallup study found that half of the men in America sport facial hair of some kind, while a mere 15 percent like stubble—maybe it reminds them of Miami Vice or they think it’s sexy, who knows? But nearly 90 percent of men shave on a daily basis, which means about 10 percent do the “full beard because I’ve given up the razor” thing.

A Moustache Disguise Fools Them Every Time

Some might say the moustache really does make the man. Charlie Chaplin couldn’t make his mark without his classic moustache, and without it, you wouldn’t even know it was him—which is exactly what happened at a theater in San Francisco at a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like competition in the 1920s. Just for the fun of it, Chaplin himself entered the competition. Not only did he lose, he didn’t even place in the finals. Think about that when you decide how your Fixer-Upper’s facial hair can be a real part of who he is!

Why Your Guy Won’t Get Elected President with a Moustache

10. Two words: Magnum P.I.

9. It tickles foreign diplomats when you kiss them on the cheek.

8. Picture of you buying “Just for Men” mustache dye can hurt the campaign.

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